Are men boys in Grown Up clothing?

 

Listening to this author on KUOW right now and am fascinated by the discussion.

I'm a woman and a wife and a mother and I know all the cliches out there about men. Look, there is NOTHING I've thought about my own 'man' that I haven't heard from nearly every other woman I know.

It's easy to bag on guys for being 'boys' or whatever you want to think of them. Makes for a good laugh with your girlfriends and makes you feel a little less crazy knowing that others share your experiences in some form.

What I like about this woman's approach is how it looks at how men have lost the obviousness of their way with the rise of women exercising the right to find their own ways.

FOREVER, men and women have held prescribed social roles under the penalty of poverty, ostracism or even death.

The thing is, many women really hated this prescription. Some, like myself, love the ability to take time out of my career life to be a stay-at-home-mom. But I enjoy that it's my CHOICE.

I suspect in some ways men really hated these prescriptions as well because of the pressure to succeed amongst one's peers in the work arena.

But, when it came to the role of man and woman together, men got off pretty easy.

Sure, they deal(t) with crazy bosses, long work hours, horrid commutes, office politics, but that's all relegated to the work sphere. That wouldn't change much whether women had rights or not.

In the home sphere, however, men were reared to expect not to have to do cooking or cleaning or much of their own self maintenance. Nor did they have to give much thought to child rearing. That was all the woman's domain.

That's why when women were like "Hey, do I have to cook and clean FOR YOU and raise your kids or can I do all that by and for myself?" the Western Man's tether was cut.

Men still deal with all the same BS of work life, but home life...love life...that's become a completely different game.

Each woman is different. Some may want careers, some may not.

Now a man has to decide what kind of gal he REALLY wants to go for rather than be told "Son, this is how things are so just fill in the pieces and you'll be fine."

And our society hasn't really kept pace with preparing many of these men for making these decisions.

Why? We (for the most part) still don't think it's valuable for men to be introspective so they aren't always clear about the complexity of their needs or desires. Because it's STILL considered important in the workplace, men (and more and more women) are taught to look out for 'number one', be unwilling to sacrifice one's own personal gains for the benefit of the 'group' and be wholly focused on some narrow and truly abstract definition of success that's largely based in the ability to consume services and goods that make one 'feel' happy and successful.

This really isn't just a man's problem anymore, but it remains their problem more than one for the ladies.

I do consider the 'rise of woman' a crisis maker for men, but it's not so much the woman's fault.

If women are able to take control of their own fates, feelings and family dreams, then so can men.

Neither sex is impotent to being able to achieve their goals, but neither sex should rely so heavily on the fading prescription of societal forces to guide that decision for them.

Bottom line:

Guys, if you want to pay the way, find a woman amenable to that. AND get yourself educated and find a VERY good paying career path.

Guys, if you want to split the bill, find a woman amenable to that. Still educate yourself and be able to support yourself, but be sure the lady you hitch your wagon to is equally self sufficient.

Guys, if you want to raise the babies, find a woman amenable to that. STILL educate yourselves, but don't get bent out of shape pursuing single-minded career goals that would come into conflict with being a  stay at home dad.

All of us needs to prepare ourselves to be the best kind of partner we're capable of being if we're looking to go down the partnership and/or family making path.

So go forth and be truly happy above all else because no amount of convincing yourself you 'ought' to do this thing or that because 'society' tells you to will bring happiness where it won't otherwise naturally occur. And try not to find it at the determent of others. Please.

Peace

A Pink American